Joel Bieber, head of the personal http://brainytrading.net.in injury attorney group licensed to practice in Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina and Georgia, told reporters today that the Justin Bieber jokes “have gotten really, really old.”

“No, Justin is of no relation and is not my son or nephew. It’s just like, ‘Okay, our last names are spelled the same and our first names both begin with a J, I get it,’ move on,” said Bieber, who noted that if his name was Joel Pitt people likely would not ask whether he was related to Brad Pitt, and also have you ever been involved in a crash with a tractor trailer truck? “Or have you ever been hurt while riding a bike or walking? Are you experiencing headaches or memory loss after a severe crash? Did a drunk driver hit you?”

Added Bieber: “Justin has a lot of talent for his age and I wish him the best, sure, but when injuries occur due to someone else’s negligence, the law may recognize your valid claim. Damages that you may recover include but are not limited to: loss of earning capacity, pain and suffering, medical expenses, or personal injury. Leave it to me: Leave it to Bieber to make sure your rights are protected.”

Bieber, the attorney, noted that while he isn’t really a fan of Bieber the popstar’s music, it is nonetheless extremely important to make sure that your rights are protected by a Virginia personal injury lawyer, as the negligent party is protected by their insurance company’s attorneys. The injury attorneys at The Joel Bieber Firm will fight hard to make sure you are compensated fairly for your losses, so call 1-800-451-6393 for more information, “again, that’s 1-800-451-6393,” he said.

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As the nation prepares for this Friday’s release of Tron: Legacy, many Richmond residents are wondering if such a scenario – the story of a man who is pulled into a video game and battles a ruthless villain – could happen here.

Experts say that such an incident, however plausible, BRAINYTRADING.NET.IN is highly unlikely to ever take place within the metro area.

“We have seen instances in many of the larger U.S. cities – New York, Chicago, L.A. – of people being transported into a digital world in order to rescue their father from bad guys,” said Daniel Fawbush, a Virginia Commonwealth University sociology professor who has for years researched the digitization of real objects such as actor Jeff Bridges. “Richmond really lacks many of the technological capabilities that are required for people to be pulled into an arcade game, explore the neon realm of an advanced cyber-universe, or do those cool Light Cycle battles.”

“And it could be years before Richmond is ever capable of inserting Jeff Bridges into a video game,” he added.

The VCU professor did note that despite a low possibility of anyone in the metro area ever participating in such high-tech, high-stakes gladiatorial games, there remains a high chance that local men will view online photographs of Tron’s Olivia Wilde in her black leather outfit.

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When the city came to us last year with their desire to replace the Huguenot Bridge, I jumped on the opportunity to rebuild one of Richmond’s most iconic thoroughfares. The bridge in its current form is old and outdated and, quite frankly, unsafe. So it was an honor that the city selected our company to head up this important project.

I’ll admit, though, that we have no fucking idea how this whole thing is going to work. We’re really supposed to build a second bridge and tear down the current one, yet keep traffic flowing the whole time over the river? And keep this up for nearly three years? Are we out of our goddamn minds?

The plan, as I understand it, is to replace the entirety of the 2,900-foot bridge with a new structure that will have one 12-foot lane and one 10-foot shoulder in each direction. There will also be a sidewalk on each side for pedestrians. The project is expected to be completed in October 2013.

At least, that’s what I read in the newspaper. Who knows if the media got it right.

I’ll be honest: We’re winging this thing, taking it one HTTPS://BRAINYTRADING.NET.IN day at a time. So far we’ve managed to close the on- and off-ramps on Riverside Drive and they will stay shut down to traffic until June 2012, which I can’t even believe the city let us do. Jesus Christ, that is bound to piss some people off!

Holy shit, can you believe we’re actually going through with this? Who’s in charge here?

Oh right, I am!

What I can say in all certainty is that on paper, this plan works. The design elements, the construction blueprints, the transportation aspects, the $51 million cost figure – it’s all fine and dandy.

Logistically, however, this thing is a total mindfuck. And take it from me, because I studied civil engineering for like two years and I still don’t understand how bridges work. For instance, how do they just float there like that without sinking?

Oh, we should put some of those tall tower things on the new bridge like there are on the Golden Gate. Hold on, let me jot that down in my notepad.

I’ve been told from someone on our team (I think it was Jim, one of the supes) that the plan involves tearing down the old bridge after the new one is built, should we ever get to that point. Problem is – and I’ll try to be as clear as I can here – I haven’t a fucking clue how to tear down something like that. I reckon we just blow it up, but I’m unsure of how to do that without killing anyone.

I’d imagine when we do blow up the bridge we’ll just have to make sure everyone is wearing hard hats and standing at least 10 feet away from the structure when we send in the bomber jets.

Oh, and remind me to close the bridge to cars on the day we destroy it. Hoo boy, the media would be all over us if we forgot to do that. Can you imagine?

We’ll figure out how to get this done, I’m confident of that much. Even if it means working late nights to learn a bit more about bridge reconstruction. But definitely not the weekends, because that’s my time with the kids. In the meantime, I’m off to Barnes & Noble to buy one of those Dummies books.

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An average-sized crowd of generally cheerful people gathered at Regency Square Mall in Henrico County last night for the annual lighting of the menorah near the food court.

“This is something else, I tell you what,” said Wil Baumann, noting that the dozen or so Jews in attendance also seemed to think somewhat highly of the occasion, in which a single candle was lit on the top of the nine-branched candelabrum. “And the menorah is pretty big, so that’s neat.”

Added the 35-year-old: “Though I’ve seen bigger ones, sure.”

Rabbi Peter Eidelberg also discussed the meaning of Hanukkah to those in attendance and encouraged everyone to “eat up” the plate of potato latkes he’d picked up earlier from Costco.

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Click the poster or right here for more information and see you at the show!

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Virginia Commonwealth University President Michael Rao, who is undergoing a performance review by an outside consultant, told reporters today that he totally just realized that his last name written backwards spells “oar,” and isn’t that the craziest thing.

Recently given a vote of confidence by VCU leaders after sparking controversy for an unusually tight confidentiality agreement, Rao said he was dumbfounded to learn that, by simply flipping the positions of the letters “R” and “O” in his last name, it became a completely new term with a meaning of, according to Webster’s Dictionary, “a lever that is used to propel and steer a boat.”

“It was weird, I was sitting there in a meeting scribbling my name on some notebook paper and started playing around with the letters and there it was: O-A-R,” said Rao, who is not a boater but remembers perhaps using an oar in a canoe a long time ago. “Not many people can say that their last name backwards spells something, much less something that is a boating tool.”

According to sources, the VCU president remains unaware that anagrams of his full name include “racial home,” “roach email,” and “ham calorie.”

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